Posted by: hockeygrl1 | February 13, 2011

A look threw my eyes

Some people have said what I’ve written makes my mom and dad look like their bad people, and like I don’t appreciate all they’ve given up for me. I do. I said in past posts that I feel like I’ve ruined their retirement. I wasn’t shy about it. They gave part of their house to the kids and I and we are trying to make it possible for all of us to live together. Brandon carries in wood every day whether he’s told to or not. I keep the basement clean even if I feel like crap. We do these thing because we know how mom likes it. I try to have the kids be clean when they use her kitchen, but they are teenagers and are far from perfect. They will never really be clean until they live on their own, that’s just how it is. As for stressing myself out over Cassie’s messy room, it’s not worth it. If she wants clothes all over the floor, let it be. I just don’t go in there. It’s not the end of the world if it’s not clean.

I don’t think asking for less yelling is asking too much. If I want to talk to mom or anyone upstairs, I walk my ass up there. I don’t yell up the stairs because you never know when Ali is napping. I tell mom thanks every time she does dishes or makes dinner or bakes cookies. I thank them every time they drive the kids somewhere or pick me up something from the store. I am the furthest thing from ungrateful. I give mom and dad money every month because I shouldn’t live here for free. I do have some money and I feel a need to contribute as much as I can. I buy groceries as well because feeding 3 extra people costs them money. When they bought the ‘cow’, I gave extra money for meat. So as far as the way I’m looking at this, is as a renter. I’d like to sit down in my basement and enjoy piece and quiet when I’m not feeling well.

What has been written is how it is. We are living on top of each other, 8 of us, in this one house and it is very stressful for all of us. We do have too many animals (and should kick some cats out) but that won’t change until spring. Jason does need to find a way to manage his pain without asking for my stash of pills or make sure he has some all the time from his doctor. I know it is no fun to be in pain, but I also know sometimes there is no way to avoid it. The pills can’t take it away forever. If I want to type grandma’s recipes, knit, or make jewelry, I have to do it in short bursts to manage the arthritis pain in my hands. If I want to do dishes, it takes all day because I need breaks to rest the arthritis pain in my knees and back. I listen to my body and don’t press these limits and this helps to manage my pain.

Mom and dad have helped me a lot in my life and I am grateful for it. They should know this. They do know this. It’s just when the things I say get twisted that it sounds another way. We agreed November 2009 that I was going to move in and help pay to change the basement into an apartment for the kids and I. I gave money and bought things to make these changes and I continue to pay rent. I just thought it would be done by now and with the added people, it would be very helpful.

So, if others feel that by saying these things make mom and dad look bad, so be it.  I guess I’m just an ungrateful bitch then, but I felt the need to vent my stress of living in a very stressful situation and writing is the way I do it.

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