Posted by: hockeygrl1 | March 28, 2011

Boredom has set in

For the first time since I’ve been sick, I’m bored. I’m sick of staying home and not having anything real to do. I have the urge to do things, but no energy so I sit and stare at the TV and cruse through the channels hoping there is something that I haven’t seen yet on. I day dream about the things I could be doing, like working, if I felt better and I wonder what my friends are doing.

I look around at my cramped and cluttered area and wish I had the space to organize it. Wait, I’d need the energy to do that too. It’s not really that I have that much stuff, I gave a lot away when we moved, it’s just the lack of cabinets. I was excited because my dad measured for my kitchen and mom said we’re going to buy a stove, but they got in a big fight so who knows when or if this will happen. It would be nice to have my own kitchen so the kids and I can cook and eat what we like. It seems that all 3 families living in this house have different tastes and ways of cooking and cleaning up my mess in the upstairs kitchen takes a lot out of me. No one gets that I need to take breaks and that I’d like to take my break in my space. Walking up and down the stairs doesn’t hurt but it takes all the energy out of me. And no one gets that. (Except for the comments that I walk like a zombie from my brother)

No one gets a lot of things about my illness in my family. They think it’s acceptable for my brother to smoke pot for his pain, but my exhaustion is fake. I feel bad for saying this, but I wish they could feel like me for a week or two. Maybe they’d get it then.

Yes, I’m bored. I’m sick of being closed in, but going outside doesn’t seem like a good idea since every time I go out even with sunscreen my skin burns. Even if I have to drive some place. The sun has been out every day lately. I know most of you are cheering, but I’d be happier with an overcast day so when I have the most energy (around noon) I could walk the dog.

I thought I was going to go out on Saturday, but by the time I took a shower, I knew I didn’t have the energy. Besides, I’m so sleepy by 10 that I’d have to leave and that’s just after the band starts. I miss my friends and miss having fun.

Yes, I’m bored. No amount of crafting can take this away. Once I get started on things, I’m to tired to continue and a nap is needed. Or it will cause my arthritis or fibro to act up and I need to use biofreeze and a heating pad. They work well so I’m not on pain pills but I smell funny.

I’m so bored that even baking doesn’t sound like fun and if I do it, there are too many people in the kitchen butting their nose into my business. 8 people in one house is too many. I need to be here so the kids will eat at least one healthy meal but most of the time I wish I wasn’t here.

So to ease my boredom, I’ve been knitting wash cloths. While I’m on the roids my hands don’t hurt so I can do this. It keeps the shakiness down to a minimum too. I’ve done 4 in 3 days. I call it jitter management!

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Responses

  1. Hi. I have Lupus and seem to live in my room lately. After having to leave a high paying fast-paced career, and give up my songwriting/singing career.

  2. Thanks for the note


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