Posted by: hockeygrl1 | April 29, 2011

Inspire me #HAWMC

Quote Prompt: Find a quote that inspires you either positively or negatively and write about it.

(Sorry I’ve fallen off the blog bandwagon. Had a few bad days, but I’m back and inspired)

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, “I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

There had been so many times in the past 3 years that I’ve had to look fear in the face. I keep thinking how sick I was when this flare began. I thought for a while that I’d never be well enough to leave. I was weak and needed to get strength back and had to force myself to walk in the halls. Even doing that wore me out. There came a time when I was laying in bed in the hospital crying that I realized that I had to fight back.

I was afraid that I was going to die; I’m not going to sugar coat it. Death crossed my mind. I was thinking about what would happen to my kids growing up with either my mom and dad or my sister and her husband. I knew they’d be OK, but they do things way differently than I do. It would be some much better for them if I was around. This brought me the strength to fight and to try to get better.

A few months later a new problem arose. I brought it up with my doctor and he acted like it was no big deal. To me it was. I knew something was wrong so I found a new doctor. What that doctor thought was going on would limit how I function even more. I was upset that the first doctor didn’t see the importance of this symptom and I was glad that I had the strength to know something was wrong and to find someone who would listen. Again I did this for my kids. I couldn’t see not being able to do somethings with them. It’s who we are.

Look fear in ti’s face…. I’ve been doing a lot of that. I’m in fear right now because I need to take steroids and that’s the only way to control my lupus right now. What if Benlysta doesn’t work? Then what will we do? Be on steroids the rest of my life? I’d be huge!!!

But I’ve decided to take control. I’m walking for an hour everyday. (I can do this because I do not work and I do not work because I could not take care of my kids or myself then.) This both relieves the stress of my living situation and hopefully will reduce my weight. I know this will increase my strength and endurance and bring me back to work. Work is the thing I think I cannot do. I will do it again and be successful again. It’s a fight I am willing to take.

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