I have to tell some stories about how crazy my mind has gotten with this never-ending flare. Feel free to laugh at them, because if I wasn’t laughing with you, I’d be bawling. Please remember that I am educated, I have a Bachelors in Business Management and worked in Human Resources of a large company as a trainer. I could get up in front of hundreds of people and speak eloquently, even memorizing a long presentation. That has left me. Funny things come out of my mouth all the time. I think I’m saying one thing and a totally different thing crosses my lips. On to story one.
The other day I was driving in my car with my daughter, Cassie. I can’t remember where we were going or why I was in the car (brain fog maybe) be she was looking at a coupon book in my car. She points at the picture and says, “Look mom, pineapples are on sale for 50¢ off.”
After looking at the picture, I reply, “Yes we can use a cantaloupe.”
My daughter cracked up. I didn’t even realize what I did until she told me. It’s just another crazy day with someone fighting lupus and fibromylagia.
I’ve been having trouble pronouncing words that before my diagnosis and piles of medications, I would say without giving them a second thought. Words like illumination, medication or kitten. Yes, they are simple words and they come out all funny or I get stuck mid word and they don’t come out at all.
Going out with my friends is interesting too. I’m not drinking any more, but if you’d talk to me at the bar you’d think I was. The words that come out of my mouth are slurred sometimes. It makes for interesting conversation.
Even typing this is difficult. I skip whole words or spell things totally wrong. There really must be a disconnect between my brain and hands and mouth.
On top of all of that, I have memory loss. Yep, I can forget what I want to look up on the computer just in the 5 steps it takes me to get to the desk. I now have to make a list went I go to the store. I’ve never done that in the past and I never forgotten anything, now even the list can be missing things because I forgot to put them on the list so I wouldn’t forget them.
All this makes me feel stupid. I know I’m not; I’m intelligent, even witty when everything is working correctly. I guess I’m lucky that my son is keeping the wit going while I am temporally out of commission. (OMG I couldn’t come up with the word temporally…) He has funny stories every day when he gets home from school. Brandon has a creative mind. I think he should be an author.
I guess I compare my brain fog to the ADD my dog has. You know, like the movie “Up.”
“My name is Dug. I have just met you, and I love you.
[he jumps up on Carl]
My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may speak. Squirrel!”
[looks to distance for a few seconds]
*giggle* So, I’m off to do something, I don’t know what because I’ve forgotten already.