Posted by: hockeygrl1 | September 21, 2011

My Birthday Now

It’s my birthday today. Yes, it is. September 21 comes every year and most years my birthday was an excuse to go out and get a little wild. I’d get together with my girls and go to the bar, hopefully there’s a good band playing, and we’d drink shots and dance around like crazy people.  I’d get my free drink and if I was lucky some free drinks from men and if I was even luckier a phone number or more.

Boy things have changed for me since my diagnosis on October 3, 2007. Today on Twitter I wrote, “Its my birthday, why am i so sad?” It’s true…. I’m sad today. It can be that I’m 39 and battling illness instead of having my career where I wanted it or that I’m not married with a house with a picket fence. Yes, that can be part of the reason.

Maybe it’s also how I see myself or think others see me. If I go out and people see me they probably think of me as over-weight and lazy. I bet that’s why men don’t approach me. They don’t talk to me to find out how great my personality is and how much I care for and respect my friends. Nope, I’m not happy with my waistline.

One of my spoonie friends on Twitter replied to my birthday post with, “Smile☺ u lived another year. Happy B-day 2 u Happy B-day 2 u Have a Blessed & Wonderful B-day Happy B-day 2 u.” I’m not mad at her for saying that, it’s just that I never thought that at 39 years old, I’d be happy I lived another year. It honestly hadn’t crossed my mind. After almost 4 years of dealing with lupus and fibromyalgia it really hit me. I know how serious my illness is, but I guess I was living with the myth that I didn’t need to think about dying young. I DO! OMG, if the medications don’t work there’s a chance of dialysis/need of kidney transplant.  There are so many other systems affected in my body that I don’t what to think about what could happen.

Yep, and I saw the happy birthday cancer commercial. There are so many diseases that can apply to, but cancer gets the attention. All diseases are horrible to the person suffering from it!!! We all want to see another birthday and a cure. We all want to be productive in society!

So, It’s my birthday and I my birthday wish is to spread awareness about lupus. I want people to not only understand, but to really know how someone with lupus feels and why we need to cancel plans sometimes or need help around the house on others.

Please if you haven’t, go to the Lupus Foundation of America‘s website and read about the disease and ask someone else to read it as well. Spread the word!

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