Posted by: hockeygrl1 | April 9, 2012

Dear 16-yr-old me…..

Wow…. I’ve been slacking at this 30 day challenge. There’s been teenage drama and my illness getting in the way. With all this going on, it seems fitting that day 10 is a letter to your 16-yr-old self. I have a 16-yr-old daughter going through some things right now and I’m going to tell her what I wish I knew and believed. That’s the hardest part… believing!

Geeze, you’re 16 and now you think you can do anything in the world, that it should fall into place and be easy…. I wish it was that way. My 16-yr-old self has been fighting to get where she is and was still fighting to get a driver’s license and independence as well as finances to buy and do what I’d like. I’m not going to lie to her. Mom and dad don’t have a lot of money. If you want things, you must buy them your self.

School and sports become a big part of your life, but you must learn to relax. Deep breathing and yoga at this age will help this relaxation and in dealing with your mother. Remember, school is the most important thing. A high School diploma is a start but you really should stay in college. Just transfer closer to home. That will help relieve the stress and all the fatigue they can’t explain. Try to help mom to understand that you work all day and go to school so cleaning is hard for you as well. It will get done, just maybe not on her schedule.

Stay committed to your sports and organizations you join. You are a part of a team and you committed to sticking with them. Finish out the year if you can. Only quit under extreme reasons. I know it’s hard to deal with people who don’t try hard or are not fair, but that happens everywhere. If you need to quit do it, but make sure it’s for the right reasons and there will be no regret in quitting. Sometimes you quitting will open up a previously unknown fault that will be fixed for future teammates. Stay strong while you deal with this. People will doubt you and say bad things about you, but deal with them like mean girls.

Mean girls…. They are there for every generation. You will deal with yours and then support your daughter with hers. I don’t know why they just don’t learn. Stop ignoring them and letting all the pain in anger build up in your chest. Crying all night is not a good way to fix the problem. You need to stand up to them. Tell them what they are doing, give examples that school officials can verify, and tell them to stop it or you will take action. You know how to throw a punch, dad taught you. Catch them off guard with a jab to the chin. Let them know they cannot bully you any more. Mom & dad won’t be mad. They will support you and you’ll do the same for your kids.

Remember these days…. You will have children one day and you want them to not be mean kids. Teach them to stand up to bully’s not just when it is happening to them, but when others are the targets. It will fill your heart with love when you hear your daughter’s story about standing up for her male dancer friend.

Love….. It will come. Don’t try to force it. Be friends first and if it becomes more, great… if not, you’re still friends. Take it slow and make sure you’re happy and not just replacing missing love from your mother. Don’t be in a hurry to marry and have children. You need love first.

At this time you are fighting lupus. You don’t know it. It’s all the fatigue you feel, you know when you can’t even lift your leg to get out of bed. That’s lupus, not stress, not faking it, not mono…. lupus! Yell at your doctor to find out what’s going on. Ask them to test for everything, not just mono or Lyme disease. The earlier we know the better! It’s not a death sentence, it’s a new battle in your life that you can win.

You have lots of battles a head of you. I think it’s lucky that you are dealing with the tough times in high school and with your parents and money. All these things bring you strength later in your life. You will be a great mother and have some very close best friends. You will use your strength to work full-time with 2 kids and go to night school to get a bachelors degree. You will buy a house!!! On your own and take your kids to Disney World. These things come to you because of your hard past, because you work hard enough to get it and because you never give up.

Finally… You will be diagnosed with lupus. Way to late, but early enough to battle it. All these tough things 16-yr-old you had to deal with bring you strength to get out of bed when you can’t feel your legs. It also gives you strength to make yourself cute for dance competitions when you’d rather be in bed.

You do great things. Being 16 doesn’t last forever. I know it can feel like it and like you’ll always be at the bottom of the list, picked last, or put down; it will change. You will be better than those mean girls ever thought you could be and even better at being fake right back at their face.

Just remember…. “A strong person is not the one who doesn’t cry. A strong person is one who is quiet and sheds tears for a moment, and then picks up her sword and fights again..”

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