Posted by: hockeygrl1 | April 18, 2012

Finding my center

Open a book, point to a paragraph and free write about it.  I chose Getting Our Bodies Back by Christine Caldwell – Recovery, healing, transformation through body-centered psychotherapy

It seems odd that I pick a paragraph about being a witness or being present in the moment. There seems to be too many times that due to pain, I’m not totally there. I might be sitting in the auditorium, watching the dancers, but I’m thinking about how I’m going to make it through the day. Wondering if I’ll be able to walk up the stairs to help my daughter change and not show her or the other dance moms how miserable I really am.

I’m finding that I’ve lost this ability since I’ve become seriously ill. I can’t just be someplace; I’m always thinking about the what if’s….

What if I become to tired

What if my headache comes back

What if my fibro pain is through the roof, I can’t take a pain pill because I have to drive

What if my emotions get the best of me and I cry through the day

I know I have the ability to do this. I’ve been through a 6 month training focused on being centered and present. I’ve just lost it through lack of practice. I know I need to get my practice of meditation back. I need to use this to manage the pain and find a way to truly be there for events and family and friends. I’m hoping that by re-learning this, I can minimize my pain and gain some energy back.

Who knows, maybe even return to work.

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