Posted by: hockeygrl1 | November 7, 2013

Counting down the days

Yep, I’ve been counting. 3 more days and then at 9:00 Monday morning the doctors visits and tests begin. I’m both scared and hopeful that we will get an answer. I want to know why my pancreas keeps acting up and it causes the worst pain and makes it impossible for me to eat. I need to know if it’s lupus or something else that is cussing the problem. No doctor has been able to tell me that although my first documented bout was with a huge lupus flare. I also need to know why I keep fainting, that’s the real reason I’m not at work.  “Here’s your coffee ma….. and I fall to the floor. Not good.

I’m scared. What if the news is horrible!?  There could be more wrong. I can’t think of anything else, I mean what else can destiny throw at me? I already live in my parents basement. That’s bad enough to this highly competitive person. It feels like I’ve lost already.

With that said, I don’t know what another disease will do to my mental health. It’s hard enough to get doctors to believe you. The first time I had pancreatitis, it took 2 doctors visits and 2 ER visits for them to figure it out.  It was because I didn’t look sick and the pain didn’t present itself in the place it “normally” would. The doctors just didn’t take the time to listen and I didn’t take the time to be pushy and fight for my healthcare rights. I’m also the person that goes to work sick. I didn’t have a fever with the vomiting caused by pancreatitis and the doctors kept saying it was stress so I went to work. I hope the doctors believe me and find something they can fix. No more just live with it because we don’t know enough about it crap.

Back to the doctors not believing us for a bit- I believe that the majority of people do not want to be sick, therefore, doctors should take more time to figure things out. They need to do the tests, start with the inexpensive ones. Hell, a simple blood test can diagnose pancreatitis, it can’t tell you why you keep getting it but ay least you have a place to start.

I’m at a point where I both want to and don’t want to know what’s going on. I mean how much worse can it get. Lupus can cause any organ to fail so it is possible that it is the cause of the problem with my pancreas, but if it is I can’t take most of the current drugs to treat lupus. And if it’s not, what would it be, cancer? And of the pancreas? Yes, I’m scared.

I need to help my kids yet and see my nieces and nephew grow up.  There’s a lot I need to do yet. 3 more days and it all begins.




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